Compliments Everywhere but Home

Today as I was entering the loo in The Curve, a shopping mall, I heard a lady tell her friend "skinny is better than fat, so don't complain." I couldn't help but smile, because as a fat lady, I felt inclined to disagree.

Whenever I come home after a long trip, it always strikes me how most Malaysian women are tiny, boobless and buttless. And when they look like they have boobs, I suspect their molds are made from artificial material rather than flesh and blood. I always feel extra, extra, extra large in Malaysia.

I never think about my weight when I am away. As far as I am concerned (and according to my regular medical check-ups) I am healthy, enjoy my life fully and still have the ability to attract the opposite sex. Yet, I am often made to believe otherwise when I come home.

Let me provide some examples of some of the conversations I've had since coming home after sometime being away: a close relative starts telling me about all these new ways to lose weight - from herbal drinks to massages; my cousin - whom I only meet once a year during Eid - after talking about men and relationships suggests "you should lose a bit of weight"; and one of my bestfriend's father says "wah...you makan banyak ah" (wow, you eat a lot don't you - or something to that effect). I know that the first two examples were said with concern to my health and apparently dismal marital status respectively, while I suppose the last was said in jest (albeit in a rather insensitive manner - sorry S).

Never mind how I am suddenly popular with agents from Herbal Life, or other weight loss or nutrition programs who are keen to help me lose weight insisting I can lose so and so kg after only two weeks. Never mind as well that I never seem to go on dates in this country.

I must admit that such suggestions, remarks and occurrences affect my self confidence sometimes.

When I'm away however, no one makes any remarks or suggestions about my weight. NEVER. Certainly not to my face. Instead I often get compliments from people including strangers - whether men or women. Mind you I am talking about people from countries in the Middle East, South Asia, Europe and Africa where heavy set women are often the norm.

I remember now a strange advice I often receive from Malaysians before I travel. "You'd better be careful when you go to countries in Africa/South Asia/Middle East - the men from these countries like women who are big especially those with big boobs and bums". I never used to think much of it in the beginning - and in fact viewed such a "fact" as indeed a negative characteristic - perceiving that these men were particularly lascivious just because they liked ample women with ample assets.

So whenever a man from Africa/South Asia/Middle East used to compliment me - I used to instantly think that they were just trying to flatter me so they could get into my pants.

Thankfully after spending some time travelling in these continents and knowing their people better, I now think much more of myself and understand cultural behaviour much better to recognize that such assumptions weren't always right. Rather, I came to realise that Malaysians had smaller minds and that men from Africa/South Asia/Middle East had better taste!

Knowing that doesn't help my self confidence in Malaysia. I still feel conscious as I try to find suitable clothes that fit, or when one day I stood next to a girl in an alteration shop who complained that the smallest Levis she had bought was still too big, or when I feel men no longer look my way (except at my chest when they realise this fat woman has some specifically appealing assets).

Oh to wander the world and receive compliments from a restaurant staff who says to you as you pass "you are so beautiful" and then gives you an orange just before you leave the premises (Turkey). Or to receive compliments like "I was first attracted to you when I saw your bum and the way it jiggled as you walked" (India - from a man I got to know beforehand as a friend - not a stranger!). Or to be appreciated for my smile and the colour and the feel of my skin (Africa, Middle East, South Asia). Or to go places where people find you attractive enough that they flirt with you with a smile, with words, with gestures.

Yes, of course I don't depend on compliments to feel good about myself. But it's nice to be appreciated for who and what you are and not be reminded that you are not at par with other women just because of the size of your body.

I suppose that's partly why I always crave to leave Malaysia. Well one of the many reasons. I just feel pretty damn much better about myself!