After some months of trying, I have finally got a job offer. I have for a while now been thinking it’s time I moved on from the NGO I’ve been working and been associated with for the last four years. While I am ever grateful to its founder and staff for helping me get to where I am professionally and personally – sometimes you have to venture further to be of better service because you have outgrown what made you what you have become.
I am terribly grateful to Almighty that I have been given what I have been seeking. It is not entirely everything I wished for but enough that it should get me by until something closer to my dreams comes along.
Yet I often doubt my decision to continue my line of work. Some days I am so convinced what I am doing is right. Other days I am so unsure. Some days I think well, I have to do this as I need to be a participant in all that I read in the World section of the newspapers. Rather than sitting in yet another cosy corner complaining and crying foul the demons that walk the earth. Other days I wonder whether what I do and the sacrifices I make are making any difference to anyone but my own sanity.
I have for sometime been trying to come to terms with the sense of guilt I often feel when I am away or so occupied with my work. Today, I could relate to Nelson Mandela when he states in Long Walk to Freedom, “I wondered – not for the first time – whether one was ever justified in neglecting the welfare of one’s own family in order to fight for the welfare of others.”
Do I fight my guilt and critics of a system that sometimes does more harm than good in the hope that compassion will prevail? Do I continue to sink in further into myself when my surroundings disappoint me or fail to meet my idealistic reasoning? Should I simply give up and give in to a normality that has never been in me?
What if I am wrong? What if I do wrong? Then what will become of me?
So many questions. So little time. So much to do. So far to go.
Round and round I go, where I’ll stop, nobody knows.
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1 comment:
babe..buat keputusan jangan ikutkan perasaan..ikut hati..ikut kata hati yang paling pertama sekali dan itulah yang paling jujur dan ikhlas dari dalam hati you..Think about it babe
**Why your "mata" only..hehe
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